Imagine if The Maine comes out during Jonas Brothers just to play Daisy

I went to a Dancing With The Stars watch party at a bar and the way the cheers ERUPTED when Hilaria got voted off sent me into the stratosphere

Was adopted by two different bar crews in Galveston and was essentially fed rumpleminze shots all weekend. Yeehaw indeed 🤠

Kennedy Curse is the 🐐 of FH to me. Fight me

Hot Italian bartender kept giving me limoncello shots until I said I needed to eat something before I had anything else, then he ran into the back and made me a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich. God bless!!

Drunk at a roller rink and I’m so excited to see Check Yes Juliet live for the 5 millionth time 💕

they are defrosting as we speak 🎄

Nothing could emotionally prepare me to be sitting at the shampoo bowl waiting for the toner to soak in and fucking Champagne Problems comes on the radio.

Was creeping on a man’s Instagram following list - why the fuck does he follow Rotel Tomatoes??

Only Judge Reinhold can judge me

THIS WAS AN EASTER EGG???

It’s not a biblically accurate visit home until you lie about who you’re out with to your parents.

Being on uncle duty means turning to my nephew in church while they’re singing O Holy Night and whispering “whoa this song is in Home Alone!!”

Thinking about the man I watched get pulled aside by TSA who went “oh that’s probably my 40 pound weighted blanket” FORTY POUNDS???

It’s crazy that the men that have inflicted the most emotional damage upon me are the ones that have never moved more than 20 miles from their hometown.

My oldest brother and I don’t bond over many things but we recently found out our mutual love for Dominick the Christmas Donkey so I sent him a video of me putting it on at a bar and he’s laughing his ass off about it. I’ll call it a win!

I have been working on trying to not be so insane and I have to say it’s very hard ☹️