Love the little bounce the plane does when it lands

Boyfriend has started spraying Versace aftershave in the bathroom after number 2s

I be chilling when I need to be schmillin

Sometimes my boyfriend jumps on top of me in bed and pretends I'm a motorcycle and holds onto imaginary handlebars next to my head while making revving noises

Eyelids are just blankeys to keep your eyeballs cozy and warm

Crazy how much sourdough starter tastes like puss

“Wake everyone up from their sleep”

Tfw you are accidentally fat cunt

Just got cut off as a pedestrian by another pedestrian

Was excited to eat a biccie when I got home only to find that my boyfriend ate them all last night and didn't mention it? I could have popped into aldi and bought more if I had known but now I'm in my slippers and the nearest aldi is ages away. Nothing could derail my day faster

What do you mean staring at my phone and laptop for several hours doesn't make me feel good

People rave about laser hair removal but for me all I need is a stronger than average period and all the hair grows back

Chucked a sickie today... Colour is returning to my skin, life is flickering behind my eyes for the first time in months

Covid vibe when you are lying down and your heart races for no reason

Crazy when you turn 22 and suddenly wine is incredible. I used to hate wine. I tried it like numerous times and still didn't like it. Avoided it for years and then suddenly it's great?