Jack got home; his wife was gone. On their bed was an oddly familiar cat. A test: He put on her favorite show. The cat sat in his lap. *** “I’m home—You got a cat?” “What? No! You were gone, so—“ “Did you think the cat was me?” Jack tried to run, but the cat was still in his lap.

"How was school?" "They canceled class after Tommy said a bad word." "That's extreme. What did he say?" "I can't say it." "Just say the first letter. A? S? F?" "It sounded like angels dying. When he said it, the walls turned to smoke, a portal opened, and demons crawled through."

“Thank you all for coming to my mystery murder party!” “Don’t you mean murder mystery?” “No, in a murder mystery the enigma is the killer’s identity. But I am tonight’s murderer. The puzzle is how everyone will die.” “Wait, if we’re all victims, who solves it?” “Ideally, no one.”

“You can't bring a snake in here! This is a bakery!” “Please? He’s totally tame, and we just need one thing.” “OK, fine. What do you need?” “A dozen buns.” “We’re fresh out.” “Oh.” “Can I get you some rolls instead?” “No, sorry. They're for the snake.” “So?” “He’s an anaconda.”

Reality is nested. There is a world above us which creates our existence. But there is also a world within our own, which depends on us. You can travel up or down, but there is always a level beyond. You can explore forever, but which way you travel says everything about you.

“I AM A GREAT OLD ONE.” “Don’t look like it.” “I am beyond cognition.” “Naw, you ain’t got tentacles.” “That is so offensive.” “Every Chtulu I seen got tentacles.” “Educate yourself!” “Like with a forbidden book?” “Just google it!” “You some kind of woke Cthulu?” “I AM AWOKEN!”

The house has a basement, but she’s never noticed. The basement door isn’t big or obvious; sometimes it’s scarcely there at all. But one day, when she’s at her lowest, she’ll come home and it will be there for her. And on that day, she’ll walk through it without a second thought.

“Did you hear about Doug? He had a heart attack in the break room and died.” “That’s sad. But if it had to happen, he would want to go this way.” “Because he died doing what he loved?” “No, he hated work.” “So why would he want to die here?” “Because he got one last half-day.”

"Why Lilith won't scream at me?" "It's not her 'hate language.'" "What's that?" "You show hate with words of decimation. Others use acts of futility, wasting time, stealing gifts, or physical pain." "So when she bites me?" "She's saying she hopes a Pit Fiend eats your soul."

“Is it too much?” “What?” “Is it…too much?” “Maybe? It depends what ‘it’ is.” “Just answer. Is it too much?” “Yes, OK? Yes, it’s obviously and entirely too much.” “Noted.” “So what are you going to do about it?” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “I’d help, but my budget only covers asking.”

Wherever you are now I hope You never think of me at all. Every place has shadows enough Without you bringing more from home. Or if you have to think of me Then only to do it like this: When a road divides, and you laugh At the crooked path we could’ve walked.

There was a huge tree on that hill. Then someone cut it down, turned it into boards, and built a cabin. Awful things happened inside. The cabin was abandoned. But not before screams woke the timber up. It’s growing again, reaching down into the earth to finish what it started.

The fortune teller said my last words would be, “Oh no.” I thought she meant I’d die in an accident. I avoided risks after that. *** He asked if I loved him. It was so hard not to laugh. I turned away. “Oh, no.” I heard a gun’s hammer cock. The seer got the punctuation wrong.

“I’m robbing a bank.” “You want me on your crew?” “No, but you can download my app and register as a driver.” “How’s that different?” “It’s flexible.” “Do I get a cut?” “You’d get a percentage minus certain fees.” “Why would I say yes to that?” “You could be your own crime boss!”

In Hell there’s always one more thing One tiny wee detail That as per their convention, well Now that you mention it— There’s still one more travail Hell’s always got one more thing As long as you recall Lest you go unsatisfied No matter how hard you tried You never leave at all

He’s lost in thought walking to the cafe to get lunch, unaware of his surroundings when a woman calls to him: “Did you just teleport?” “Sorry?” “You weren’t there a moment ago.” He wants to protest and say he’s just walking. But he can’t be sure. When he looks up, she’s gone.

The trick with immortality is there’s no limit on time dilation. When you’re 10, a year is an eternity. At 100, it’s a handful of memories. At Vesper’s age, years skip by between heartbeats. “I used to be able to tell days apart,” she says. Maybe someone answers; she can't tell.

“What’s it like?” “Suppose temperature was a constant. Not just air; water, food, everything you experienced had the same heat. And then today you woke up freezing. Suddenly you have a new need, something you can’t articulate because you couldn’t have even imagined it yesterday.”

“What do you do for a living?” “I solve problems. I take care of people. I try to understand the world a little better.” “And what do you do in your free time?” “All the same things, only slower.”

A “solution cave” forms when acidic water dissolves a underground mineral, leaving empty space behind. Cindy does not know this. But as she and Dave pass by the Arno Solution Cave on a hike, she has an idea. She convinces him to go inside with her. And she finds her solution.