Don't believe the #fakenews media. Cricket wasn't a dog, it killed all of my Norwegian seismologist colleagues at our Antarctica station by imitating them somehow. We never should have excavated that saucer from the ice.

Poker players, here's why this was so stressful: I'm a 2/5 player in the biggest game of my life by a factor of 40, I'm playing almost all high-level pros, and there's a guy next to me who only speaks in Shakespearean soliloquies.

I'm guessing the only thing the CIA wants from you is for you to button your goddamned shirt.

Well, that's fucking stupid. But, then again, look at the messenger.

What happens during summer break for the college protestors? Do they set up encampments in their hometowns or what?

I AM ON THIS! It was, legit, the most stressful thing I've ever done.

I wrote about panda bears and potato chips. What else is there, really? michaelianblack.substack.com/p/panda-bears-…

'Stand up, Barron. Look at the size of that kid. Tallest presidential son in history, they tell me. Even Honest Abe didn’t have kids that tall. Taller even than James Comey, who I had to fire like a dog.'

by Michael Ian Black

trib.al/jHgYM6o

I actually wouldn't feel safe putting any of these in there.

Amazing thread from 2019.

How are they feeling about a matzo brie? Maybe with some nice kugel?

So Boeing just has a hit squad? Is that a freelance thing or...?

How do you NOT go see Emo? It defies logic.

Passing along the latest - focus is on Eglin AFB incident.

thehill.com/opinion/nation…

I care about Africa more than Maria, apparently.

I wrote this. Bigly.