Life hack: order double steak at chipotle so when you’re forced to spit half of the steak out for being gross and chewy you still end up with a normal portion.

Lack of discipline is the reason behind every single L I’ve taken in life

I'm calling for a nationwide ban on importing immigrants who want to strip Americans of their rights

I can’t wait to use this

This country is 100% our enemy. We have to change things or our people will continue to suffer

I mean this with no irony or sarcasm at all but if a migrant comes to your country and lights his cigarette with the flame at your country’s Tomb of the Unknown Soldier the only reasonable follow-up is a public execution

_

My favorite part of every morning is getting to my corner office (handicap stall) and opening my computer (cell phone) and preparing for the day (low balling on Facebook marketplace).

If I had a tail my shit would wag fast as hell if I saw cigarettes and alcohol.

Manifesting a girl for Trey with an iPad and Apple Watch, that takes 14 hour naps.

Apparently the best way to get people to come back to God is to show them what the world looks like without Him.

In the club parking lot 8 Long Island iced teas in listening to the fray. I

Grateful to see another week

Everytime I see a threads post on Instagram it always crops right before the punchline to the joke. I’m still not downloading that shit

open.spotify.com/track/7nVQ8mo7…