You know you’ve reached a new level of old when your start considering crushing a 5 hour energy shot at 6pm on New Year’s Eve

Update: I just slammed it. Here’s to staying up til 11:48!

So...I’m seriously considering buying a pair of bib overalls...like full on denim overalls...is that something I can realistically pull off?

Snap’d cheese its > regular cheese its...by like...a lot

Interwebs...when you’re in the middle of winter boredom, do you drink more or eat more?

Queen latifa as the equalizer might actually be the worst choice...ever

For all you anti daylight savings people, don’t act like you don’t get supreme joy changing your clock knowing that spring is just around the corner

How many people have you met over the last year that you’ve never seen what the lower half of their face looks like?

Okay serious question, if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson were to run for president...what do you think his chances of winning are?...I mean, I have yet to meet one person that doesn’t like him

Nice little Sunday project. Pull out garbage. #kitchendesign #kitchenremodel #kitchen #diy #woodworking #organization instagram.com/p/COGWN6BjSHw/…

If anyone is trying to figure out how to use pronouns…play a couple of rounds of guess who.

When did LinkedIn become a republican circle jerk? It upsets me that I still need to use it…

If you send me an email on Thursday after 3pm and then send me a “2nd request” follow up email at 7am on Friday morning…I reserve the right to throat punch you.

You’re acting in an adult film and need to choose 1 row to be active participants in the group scene with you. Which row are you choosing and why?

You’d think companies would be able to recognize the difference between a wedding registry purchase and all of the others. I bought one thing from Crate and Barrel’s website months ago and have been virtually assaulted by them ever since…ease up guys, it wasn’t even for me.

Me: *walking into the grocery store Random woman who approached me at the entrance: “wanna get that spine checked out?”…. One of the stranger openers I’ve heard in awhile

Now this is the Vikings team we all know and…well…know

Just won a candy royale race on Candy Crush…you could say my year is going pretty well…

Maybe it’s because I didn’t have much to eat yesterday but 100 GRAND=SEVERELY underrated candy bar

Just heard an older guy across the bar state that “Get Back” by The Beatles was in the top 5 songs ever made…what world do I live in?