Me two weeks ago: Tim Walz? Is that the guy in MN who gave kids free breakfast? Me now: the 1999 Mankato High School football team’s power I formation on the goal line was the result of a generational coaching talent whose brilliance clearly carries over to many areas of life.

wonder if the white house chef knows how to make a jucy lucy haha

hello people who are being introduced to minneapolis on a national scale: it didn’t burn to the ground and you don’t want to fuck the mayor. otherwise, welcome.

No-brainer fundraiser idea right here 🍖 🎟️

The last few days have made me realize how much I miss Minnesota. I was a 10 min drive to MOA! I miss Kowalskis (don’t come for me). And the rumors are true, there are just so many lakes everywhere!

we are over halfway to the goal that my very best friend set up for my recovery after my dog and I were hit by a drunk driver, if you can signal boost it would so be appreciated ❤️‍🩹 gofundme.com/f/supporting-s…

In 1999, the first Chipotle in Minnesota opened and I went with the UofM Quiz Bowl team and every member of the team (except for me, a Californian) requested mild salsa except for one girl, who when asked which salsa she wanted said "No gravy, please."

*tune of evenflow by pearl jam* cleveland show

Mary N. "There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is taken off the do-not-hire and trespass lists at Applebees for the last time"

I do not post political stuff anymore, but as a former football player, I have to speak out. All coaches are coach. Coordinators are coach. Position coaches are coach. I didn't call the guy who taught me how to pass block "Assistant Coach Cooke."

when bart simpson puts the marshmallow into his cocoa and it absorbs all the cocoa and he cuts it into slices

& then there was the time when Anthony Rizzo returned to wrigley for the first time since leaving chicago and signed my son iggy’s baseball. i cried! we love you, rizzo. 😭❤️

I'm no big city ethics professor but this reads like some classic misinformation coming at you from a guy who shadow bans anyone he disagrees with and whose tweets I HAVE to have in my feed

The “IT IS BOTH!!!!” commercial comes in at the very top of my list of things I won’t miss about the 2024 MLB season

I would pay so much money to hear Angie Mentink talk more about the Colorado Silver Bullets

“Kamala will give criminal illegal aliens taxpayer funded transgender surgeries” is something I just heard in an ad during a ballgame. This country is so depressingly stupid man.

One thing I don’t miss about my daughter being in elementary school is the moms confiding in me that their sad-sack husbands want to be my friend.

I’ve only been over there for a day but so far it’s mostly nice people, sports, and sexy animals (both real and cartoon)