What’s wrong babe? You hardly touched your A1 Steak Socks

Damn this dog really went on a crime spree

In 1997 Heaven’s Gate cult had 39 individuals die by mass suicide because they thought they were going on to an alien ship and on to eternal bliss. Being willing to die for a cause to prove the truth of it is a poor argument to pose.

We all remember when Netflix famously erected the “Qwickster” flashing neon sign on top of their building for 3 days before city ordinances made them take it down

They should start playing “It’s Arraigning Men” at the Trump rallies as he walks on stage

The Trump indictment announcements + Duggar baby announcements overlap diagram

Getting to the point where I say “Mark has notifications silenced” out loud in person

I want to start a band called “Voltage” but very insistent on it having a pseudo-French “Vol-Tahhhj” pronunciation

You have two choices as you approach 50 without kids: Bourbon Enthusiast / History Channel Uncle Inspiring Quotes / Etsy Store Aunt I do not make the rules

It’s got nothing to do with piss I Think You Should Leave memes 💦🥩

I never wore suspenders in 2011 but I wore the HELL out of a suit vest + t shirt in 2008.

For middle-aged white men, this is the same collab energy level as the KFC + Taco Bell combo stores

Didn’t think we’d reboot the apocalypse this soon since the original dropped

It’s very annoying to get political spam ads via text however it’s also fun to rage type STOP in response and that’s perfectly ok

A middle aged woman who works in the accounting department but moonlights as a magician: AbacaDebra

I no longer roll my eyes when people take pictures of their food at restaurants. It costs so much to go out to eat these days might as well memorialize it like it’s a wedding

My toxic trait is that I let my AirPods Bluetooth connectivity battle it out between my MacBook and my iPhone to see who gets it first

Calling art “content” is the same as having a perfectly cooked gourmet meal - that was prepared with love and intention - and referring to it as “sustenance”

I’m done with hot takes. I want a cold take. Tell me something completely baseless and not factual, and you also have no personal belief in that statement other than it slightly amuses you, albeit at the cost of truth. That’s a cold take baby

Do you ever feel like your AirPods are in a bitter custody battle between your MacBook and your iPhone? Just me? K cool