I’ve always said it, Osama was killed by Woke

Pokémon Go do heroin

I remember learning that Guy Fawkes Day celebrates that the guy trying to blow up parliament was *stopped*, instead of that it ruled he tried? As an American this was very hard to comprehend

The squirrel has swung my vote. But only because I hated it so much

No one tell MAGA people this but you get to vote an extra time for every pronoun you use

One way people are talking past each other about the economy vs "the economy" or whatever is bc people like this lady who straight up lie. At the store yesterday Sugarbees were 2.99/lb. If that apple weighs 2.33 pounds she could offset the cost with a prize at the county fair

‘Apple Cider Vinegar’ is a show that does better than most at explaining how hippy woo woo shit can turn to fascism and grift real quick. “Just make these choices and pay to be healthy” to “kill those who can’t or won’t.” Plus Kaitlyn Dever rules

Not to go full commie on here but this is also the Private Equity-ication of all parts of our lives Mavs ownership didn’t consider the human element of this / the connection between Dallas and Luka even ONCE

“My enemy is a librarian” Bro you’re the villain in a PSA starring Capt. OG Readmore

Ant’s getting his money taken like the Thunder are a family court judge

If I know nothing else about the man his last heartbeat was caught on a federal wiretap while he was planning to illegally bug a congressman’s gangbang RIP

I think it would be a good idea for protestors to not use a Mexican flag and instead opt for a Barstool Sports and/or Punisher flag in order to confuse federal agents

Must be weird to play for the Savannah Bananas. People will ask “What position do you play?” and you gotta be like “Third from the front in the conga line”

A lot of layers to this but an underrated part of it is demanding the head of a character who is canonically three years old

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Hanson concert. I said oh yeah in an mmmbop they're gone