I remember thinking how great the graphics of the first Unreal engine were and now we have a main character that I need to top me raw and spit in my mouth.

Visited the glory hole hoping to catch lycanthropy but all I got is this lousy bronchitis!

Accidentally gave head to a vet because my stupid ass mixed up Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day and he was too polite to correct me.

v. 2.0 Sucked off a vet because I confused Memorial Day with Veteran’s Day. He just let it happen. God bless America.

I identify with certain things I see at the airport. “No thoughts. Just openings.”

Your legacy is prolly haunted by mediocre ghosts. Fix it.

Ready for my hot, sweaty, emotionally unstable summer.

My vibe? I may or may not have an Sig Sauer P229 tucked away in a Judith Leiber snakeskin clutch.

me.

THIS- without the other page/part next to it for context is sending meeeeeee

HERE’S the whole thing CKBFOGNGDB

I will NOT waste time arguing with a str8 dude. Go use your 3-in-1 Shampoo, Axe body spray and leave me alone.

It’s so damn hot I just hydroplaned off the toilet

I don’t want to play in your yard, I don’t like you anymore. You’ll be sorry when you see me sliding down our cellar door.

Luto is now available! We are deeply grateful for your patience and truly hope you enjoy the experience 🖤.

When I die, don't look for me in the sunsets. Look behind you. I'll be chasing you up the stairs after you turn off all the lights

When I die, I’d like the people I care about at my graveside committal service- so they can let me down one last time.