did everyone’s middle school bully try to get their parents to buy CutCo knives or was that just me??

prunes don’t deserve the slander. They don’t! I mean come on, dried plums?!! What’s not to love?? (Nothing). It’s time we make things right.

in case u were wondering what “getting back in the twitter game” looks like Sam

surrounded by fakes who don’t want to send tisch basement stacks, which is perfectly reasonable activity for a nice Sunday morning. what gives

watching 30 minutes of Johnny drop’s accountant testify about taxes just to avoid doing finals

it’s 7am and I just finished a chapstick to the very end. I thought this day would never come

whenever I start to feel a little too good about something, the universe presents me with a cool hat too small for my comically oversized head :(

one thing about me, I’m always gonna order a Shirley temple

forget crypto, cool stickers are the currency of the future

nothing has convinced me to get a dashcam as much as driving between DC & New York. Y’all should be in jail

Going buckwild at my happy place

Davis is the Times Square of the Western Hemisphere