The biggest lie men have on dating apps isn't their height...it's that they all guarantee they'll make you laugh

The most unrealistic part of stranger things is Nancy using a sharpie to draw over crayon

I think it's time for a musical adaptation of "Holes"

Ew, a guy on hinge just told me SpongeBob was vapid and quoted kant at me

I blame being raised on Johnny Depp movies for my attraction to gloomy, lanky men

James Austin Johnson sings “Jingle Bells” as Bob Dylan through the decades. #FallonTonight

Another day, another guy telling me Jeff Dunham is the funniest

Was in a meeting yesterday when my boss said, "I still haven't done number 17..." And my musical theatre brain screamed THE SPREAD EAGLE

Any man who has ever mentioned Chicken Run to me has always broken my heart

Taurus: I'm looking for soul changing love Also Taurus: Let's take it slow

Got broken up with and as I was walking away, asked if I should salute or curtsey

I AM SO EXCITED

The Spirit pilot keeps referring to the cabin as the "front office" and I feel like I'm in high school again listening to morning announcements

Looks like homeboy is gonna have "Fix You" at the top of his Spotify wrapped this year

Currently doing this

Just saw the CW commercial for Wild Cards and why is the woman lead cosplaying as hannah montana