Did you know that if you repent and ask for forgiveness Jesus takes a screenshot?

If windmills had never been invented and someone finally did Republicans would call them wasteful green energy and a socialist plot to destroy jobs.

Who would you murder if you could get away with it and why is it Tucker Carlson?

A lot of sadness and a lot of joy and a lot gratitude, but underneath all that the empty propulsion of fucking existence.

Runner pro-tip: carry a couple dollars in quarters with you in case you run into kids with a lemonade stand. Runner's World Ray Reese #running

🌪🌪🌪>>>🐝🐝🐝 #beatiowa

People on Facebook be like: vaccine requirements are like the holocaust! Followed by: we had to cancel our passes to Magic Mountain!

I’m 43 and I’m pretty sick of having crushes on people that don’t have crushes on me back. You people need to get your shit together.

So no one had ever seen a triangle before this motherfucker Isosceles?

All dates after the release of “Dune” should hereafter be suffixed A.C., Latin for “in the year of Chalamet”

Sometimes I get sad. Then I remember there’s hundreds of videos of the Wisconsin Jump Around on YouTube and I realize it’ll all be ok

There’s crippling existential crisis and then there’s discovering Trader Joe’s has discontinued one of your favorite snacks

“Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations” -George Orwell

RUN. THE. FUCKING. JEWELS.

This year has been tough for everyone so this Christmas I’d like to remind everyone of 1994 when I made my boomer parents purchase and wrap as a gift for me a cd by The Butthole Surfers.

Disasterpiece by Slipknot is the greatest metal song of all time

I’ve officially lost all my Midwest cred. Running on Mission Bay today I saw a man holding what I thought was a parrot. It was an ear of corn.

Does the Ope in, “Ope, there goes gravity” make Lose Yourself the most midwestern song ever?

I’m seeing a lot of people reacting to RFK jr and saying it’s a monumental game changer. Oh you sweet simple fools. Taylor is coming.

Edging but it’s me listening to Kirk ferentz make excuses for Hawkeye football.