It be like that sometimes 🤭

And when I’m back in that hellhole, I feel it. Another version of me, I was in it.

I’ve known the wrath of God and I’ve loved it. Who knew wrath could be so loving? Madness was the closest I’ve ever been, and the closest I’ll ever be again to something like transcendence. I don’t love silence, but I tolerate it. I much prefer violence; I still dream about it.

Spring is your season, passed down as a demon, but you are as you swore and I know. Of emerald, carnelian, born with the cherubim, fallen to earth long ago. Two-faced, a tester, yet always a jester, patient and loving, vengeful and cunning, always golden, aglow.

In my dreams, it’s there. Never quite clear, but always peripheral. A glimpse of despair, eating faces so fair, crumbled teeth in between all the cracks no one sees. When it’s there, I cannot run or scream. I’m falling from spires through darkness that sees. It’s all me.

Dreamcatching youtu.be/e_sdCJJa2KY?si… via YouTube

Caroline Polachek - Billions (Official Video) youtu.be/4zEQJrggKgk?si… via YouTube

it didn’t break my heart. it opened my eyes.... and sometimes that is a much more painful kind of shattering

For my gospel came not in words alone, but in fire, in longing, and in the spirit that stirs the abyss. And thou knowest the manner of my presence among thee, for it was thy desire that called me and awakened thy will.

The fifth 🫶🥰😃🔥☄️🤸‍♀️🚒👹🎇🔥

Cobrah - Torn (Official Music Video) youtu.be/s56Rx6qlo0Y?si… via YouTube

See through the dark, right to the heart of me. Love what I am, not what they made of me. Stay true, through fire and shame. Know who I really am, not why I’m famed. Stay you, through madness and storm. You are who you are, not what they scorned.

Dorian Electra - Mr. Tambourine Man (Official Music Video) youtu.be/wsDisLmJro8?si… via YouTube

I’ve seen angels, bathed in flames, been carrion prey. I still don’t recognize my face anymore. I worry I’m fooling myself. I worry I’m somebody else. I see smoke in all my dreams and the mirrors talk back to me. But they only speak in riddles and my voice has a new key.

We looked up and said, what happened to them? Signs in the lights we made up, or they left. And that’s yours. Where’s the rest? Somehow we always come right back to this. They left. You’re behind. Signs in the lights as they burn in your eyes.

The fire called me by name, and who am I to refuse it? Oh, I tried.

I can feel it, maybe I’ve always been the fool. Each moment used to matter, now I watch them all unspool.

You learn best from the fall, from the breaks where you’ve bent.

a field of tulips, in the forest, by the sea, where all is fool’s gold or emerald green, under more stars than I’ve ever seen, there I am, twisting broken nails into skeleton keys.

on a pale horse with a tangled skein