I'm back! Mike switched the password on me but Mother6969 was too damn easy. on.cc.com/2xPcVeY

I misspoke when I said @ceciliavega is “never thinking.” Clearly, I meant to say she’s never boofing.

What should I text everyone today? #PresidentialAlert

I've said all along my father gave me a very small $1 million loan...the other $60 million I STOLE from the IRS! Get it right @NYTimes

Maybe if teachers didn’t spend all of their money on things like markers and chalk they wouldn’t have to beg for more money. So greedy!! #WorldTeachersDay

People love to drive around this country and look at the fall foliage. You’re looking at dead leaves, folks. I like leaves that aren’t dead.

So sad to see Nikki Haley go. But so excited to name some maniac to take her place. I mean a real saves-his-pee kind of whack job!

I have everyone in my administration sign NDAs, and they are very binding. Tighter than a hug from Mike Pence. Cool it, Mike! Too tight!

My FAVORITE hated sycophant, Lyin’ Ted, is in a tough race, and I am proud to rub it in his awful face that I’m bailing him out.

NFL players must stand at all times! Remove all benches stools and knees from sideline!

Future image from the year 2024. My hair still looks great!

America, behold your president in all his glory. A President Show Documentary: The Fall of Donald Trump premieres October 22.

The year is 2030. Where is Late Night Donald? Find out when A President Show Documentary: The Fall of Donald Trump premieres October 22 at 11/10c.

My happy place: on a television set, next to my hot daughter, and laughing at my awful son.

When he’s capitalizing the word “Country.”

The Fake News with a real scoop!

I’m a big tough guy!!!!

Oh boy, oh boy! A President Show Documentary: The Fall of Donald Trump starts right now on comedycentral!!

Turn on all the lights and lock your doors. This November, nothing is scarier than “The Electioning.” Get informed at cc.com/vote

Most people day dream, but I day nightmare! x.com/presidentshow/…