If I were president I'd set the cost of everything to the same arbitrary value. Then when people complained I'd say "that's just the price we have to pay"

Seen some solid arguments online which bear repeating: if you're at all concerned about the president committing actual literal treason, just remember it's nothing to worry about because something something dems something something Hillary

SORTING HAT: this kid’s a piece of shit uh I mean slytherin

*weary, aged sigh* yeah

What was I going to Google? It definitely mattered

What does one do when one has a strained chest muscle AND a tickling cough? Welcomes death, is the answer.

God I wish I were a Russian sleeper agent

I always put "Winston main" in the 'other - please specify' field of any section of any form

*strides into Hollywood boardroom* one word, gentlemen - Pokemanimorphs

If you're reading this, ask yourself: why am I online

Shoot for the moon. If you die, you die, wahey

Explain yourself Netflix

More like xbox dead

People. That's the problem isn't it

I got I got I got back problems inside my DNA

Hype man: EY WE READY LET'S DO THIS SHIT Rapper: *launches into emphatic rendition of their biggest hit* Hype man: I told him to do that

BBC documentary: in the mountains of Japan, thousands of people come together to form a waterfall of fire Me: well then it's not a waterfall is it

Can't believe they let people vote. People. What the fuck