Adhd doesn’t exist. Just admit you love a little meth

Please be sure to check your kid’s candy this year - I just found the entire state of Ohio in a Snickers bar

my TA just shared her screen and she has a google search tab of a word I just said

scientists at stanford university have reconstructed this 3D model of how adam and eve might have looked

goldfish is such a god tier snack its like kibble for girls

would you rather work for ticketmaster rn or byu social media when they banned lighting the Y

we don’t run this city the rats do

Ratatouille is the name of the food. The rat is called doctor ratatouille

The Muppets could have written A Christmas Carol but Charles Dickens could never have written "no cheeses for us meeces"

The American Girl Doll Hospital does not accept Medicare or Medicaid.

I have less followers than I did when I tweeted this

Hi guys good news last semester @ BYU and I’m still not married yet (tell freshman me I’m purposely making my wedding two months after I graduate)

We all know this is what she SHOULD’VE won the Oscar for

she’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress

this was my barbie-oppenheimer double feature

and so I married him