Clerk: Would you like a rewards card? Me: Only if the reward is that I never have to come back here.

Married women aren't called cheater's in kentucky, cause their brother rents them out.

Did you know that the word "Ear" is in the word "Hear"

If a nurse orgasms is it considered a hospital discharge....

You, yea you! Never forget your God's masterpiece. Just in case you forgot.

Have you ever seen someone so ugly that you decided to call the domestic violent hotline because you needed help? That's why I would never look in the mirror again..... 😂

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, which is why you should always eat the brain

I often wondered why do men switch sides and play for the other team? After a few conversations with my ex I no longer have to wonder... 😂

There is all these anonymous programs out there, what if there was a program hoe anonymous. Step 1 admitting that some my actions were that of a hoe

A while back I heard a woman at a bar talking about how her ex boyfriend always called her a whore, and how she was never home. I told her I think your ex boyfriend is a idiot, I wish my ex got paid for what she did..... 😂

My ex told me you'll never meet anyone like me ever again. The tears of gratitude and thankfulness started to flow from my eyes, I could feel the relief from all the stress built up inside. Then I looked her in the eyes, I said, "THANK GOD"!

I was talking to my higher power for a long time, way before I enter the rooms of recovery. Every morning I would pray that some of the weight would be lifted off of me, my wife would say, I'm not that heavy... 😂

I just turned 40 and I don't have very much of a great dating life, because every single girl I go out with reminds me of my ex wife, because whenever I ask to come inside, they say not tonight I have a headache... 😂

Truth

Every single time I hear about a dead hooker on the news I call my ex up just to see if she answers the phone..... 😂

Some of you have been single so long you need to take your hand out on a date and reward it for doing a good job.

I went on a date with a police officer, at least I would consider it a date, after the initial pat down and all the crotch feeling, I told him I'm not gay but is there any way you could do that again because in 15 years of marriage my wife never touched me in that spot....

I knew my marriage was in trouble on my wedding night, I left the hotel room for ice and came back the door was locked, when I knocked on the door, the hotel clerk said come back later.... 😂

Some of you may not know this, but this is my last weekend in Ohio for a while, so ladies if you want to know how bad I am in bed, be sure to hit me up....

Real questions just for the ladies do some of you have sex on the first date to establish sexual compatibility, to see if you want to invest emotional ties? And is it a turnoff if the man doesn't want to have sex on the first date?