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Why of course! After my terrible experiences with so-called 'editors' 'correcting' spelling, punctuation, grammar, plot holes, character inconsistency, absurdity and outraging public decency, then demanding to be paid, I sacked them. Now I simply publish the first draft. 'LOL'

Paolo suggested I 'block' ⛔️ anyone who says in their bio ☣️ they are a 'book marketing expert.' He says such people are full of 💩 and he knows a lot about the Internet so I always listen to him. My follower count may be smaller, but I do feel cleansed 🚿

You can have my adverbs when you doggedly pry them from my cold, dead hands

I am thrilled to announce I have things to announce (although it's not that exciting, so don't get too excited) for World Book Day. Which is today. Paolo is currently twerking my graphics in between playing rounds of canesten 🃏 with Andreas. They should be ready this evening ‼️

It's a beautiful sunny 🌄 morning here in [REDACTED] (since in cognito 🥸). My lovelies, I am taking a short break from writing ✍️ to restore my creative soul 👻 After my morning coffee, whilst Gunther snores 😴 in bed I shall be taking Lassie 🐕 out for some vigorous exercise 😎

I am dipping my toe back into the social media waters as proof of life. What's it been like whilst I've been away?

Dear Readers. Despite being quiet on ✖️ I have not been idle, unlike Gunther, which is a whole other story the character limit on ✖️ prohibits me from fully explaining but through emojis it's basically 🍺🍟🍕🛋️📺😴 Work continues on my new novel. I hope to have news soonish!

After enjoying three sherries 🍷 I have learned from Cockpilot that's it's National Handsome Scottish Men In Kilts Day (NHSMIKD) 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿, sausages are really a fruit 🍑, and Kinder Surprise eggs aren't laid by chickens 🐔 Paolo tells me I shouldn't believe everything I read online 💻

Sadly, once I filtered out all the negative reviews I had none left 😭 'LOL' But 🍑 a creative genius is rarely recognised in their lifetime 🪦 Look at Leonardo DiCaprio and his painting of the sunflowers 🌻Which is worrying for me as I'd like to be alive when selling my books 📚

Life hack: Anyone has a problem with how you live/write/eat/talk/walk etc., ask them how much they’ll pay you to change. They’ll immediately mind their own business or you’ll get paid. 👍

I hope you are all enjoying the long weekend like I am here in [redacted] in Norfolk 😎 I've just opened another bottle of sherry 🍷 and snuggled down on the sofa with Lassie 🐕 my dog. Surprisingly, Gunther is out tonight, being breathalysed by the Police 🚔 Have fun, darling ❤

I suppose if I see the advert enough times on ✖️ even I, a boomer of a certain age, will succumb and download Kingshot 🤴 Quite what I'll do with it then is anyone's guess 'LOL'

The Police 🚓 released Gunther without charge. It was a case of mistaken identity 🪪 This is good news, as I was in the middle of packing my bags to flee the country ✈️ without leaving a forwarding address. The course of true love never runs smooth ❤️ Gunther is recovering 🍺🍟📺

I am pleased to announce that Lassie 🐕 has been a good girl this week 👏👏👏 An extra treat for you, my lovely canine companion 😘💞 I am not pictured in the GIF Paolo selected. I'm not living life in cognito 🥸 as a small boy 'LOL'

Good news, readers who are eagerly anticipating the return of Karen McCompostine (although I never went away 🤷‍♀️). I am working on my latest book 📚 once more. Lassie 🐕 is beside herself (not literally, that would be strange ('LOL') with excitement!