Champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my sham friends. Ginger ale for my friend Craig he has a tummy ache right now Craig why are you even at this party

That's mad he won't be able to come out and talk to us properly for a couple of weeks, just a day or two after his entire network has gone into meltdown. Still, it'll leave us a month to sort out the EU thing.

PictureThis Scotland Satellite image of the UK and Ireland in the winter of 2010!

#HappyStAndrewsDay 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

That’s a bit harsh. Call him Prime Minister, show some respect.

Dear Google Maps, it would be great if you provided directions which told us which route would use least fuel, for more sustainable route choices. It wouldn't be simple to implement, but you're Google and pretty amazing at clever tech. Thank you! If you agree, please RT.

Italy chatting to France backstage. #Eurovision

Today on Normal Island we have a senior government advisor attempting to describe the Spiderman meme to an inquiry into 130,000 deaths

Should we raise taxes on the wealth of the super-rich, not the wages of the working class? Yes Yes Yes 👇🏽 👇🏽 👇🏽

Here's Johnson, days before the 2019 general election, promising that he wouldn't hike taxes on ordinary working people Today he's announced a plan to do exactly that, purely in order to protect the tax exemptions and advantages enjoyed by the mega-rich

Charing Cross now, and in the future? Sign the petition to ask Scottish Government to commission a study to see if it could work. petitions.parliament.scot/petitions/PE19… Lee Jones

Boris Johnson left #COP26 on private jet to 'attend private dinner with climate sceptic' at exclusive men-only club heraldscotland.com/politics/19693…

🚨"Who exactly does the @MetPoliceUK work for ma'am? Our citizens, or Boris Johnson?" 🚨 (Location: New Scotland Yard. Sound on)

He’s definitely misjudged a fart here

A month late but still! I've not been here for ages. Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary