Sometimes I think I’d be more successful as an actor if I were one half of a pair of identical twin babies

People watch one popular TV show and suddenly they’re qualified film critics who’s artistic opinion I’m supposed to value 🙄

Well I guess I’ll finally check my twitter updates #instagramdown #facebookdown

Nobody: Every Aunt Ever: DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT? YOU’RE TOO SKINNY! WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING?!!

I just unfollowed a meme page on Instagram because my meme needs are now being met by another meme page... Is this what it feels like to betray someone? I don’t like it.

New extreme sport: Trying to find your google maps destination with TCONNECT when you’re already in a moving cart... #TTC #TCONNECT

Yo the Allergy Struggle is REAL these days 🤧 Anyone else have to psych themselves up before they can venture outdoors? I feel like it’s just getting worse and worse... #allergyseason2019

Me: I’ll be there in like 45 minutes Friend: Regular 45 or Montreal 45? Me: Regular, google maps says 25 minutes. Friend: Gotcha, see you in Montreal 25 👌🏼 #traffic #montreal #saturdaydrive

Okay if a kid knocks at my door tomorrow, I‘m not gonna punish them for their parents’ decision to postpone trick or treating... but you better believe all the candy will be Christmas themed 🎃🎄

I’ll always remember #Oscars2020. Not just because of the historic relevance, but because as a Canadian with no Television provider, I somehow ended up watching a Spanish dubbed livestream of a public Mexican TV channel.

I’m glad Planet Fitness is a #judgementfreezone cuz at this point I’m basically Spongebob #thosewhoknowknow

If you ignore social distancing protocol and then post about it, ima unfollow you. I call it, social media distancing.

Quarantine Diaries Entry #78 Dad: We keep losing water pressure... I have to go out to buy a seal Sister: Cute, I love seals Send help

Yeah, public socializing is cool, but have you ever deleted 1300 unread e-mails and unsubscribed from 40 mailing lists?

*tries to connect to wifi Computer: 📶 nO iNtErNeT, sEcUrEd

Me: Ooff it’s getting late. Better make like a baby... Sister: You can’t “head ou- Me: ... and cry myself to sleep! Sister: Me:

I may have discovered time travel y’all... All you have to do is turn on your radio (remember that thing?) and tune into a pop radio station. The songs will instantly bring you back to 4 months ago in TikTok time.

People keep posting “When you realize 2022 is pronounced 2020 too” But if 2022 were a movie, it’d be pronounced “2020 2” and I feel like a bad sequel would be way worse