Life is not who? lol

feds in Cookies gear was not on my bingo card but nothings surprising anymore…

hey new york… you ready? thefruitioners.com/offhoursnycrsvp

having a cute dog makes someone at least 10% more attractive, easily

Very true I nuke TF out my engagement posting the shit I like but fuck it we ball! 😅😅😅

How many grannies died because Jon Cappetta visited someone’s profile?

⚠️⚠️⚠️

hey Elon Musk, how’s the dexterity on those robots? can they roll joints? i got an idea 😈

went out for today’s missions and forgot to bring weed for the first time in probably a decade… am i ok? definitely not rn

Wait, so we ARE relevant? #eatabagofdicks

“if you come for the king, you best not miss”

I literally do not care lol

last night i got an italian beef like as soon as i got in, then got back to my hotel and ordered another. i love chicago so much.

ngl americanair has gone to absolute shit. booked my flight months ago, but now they don’t have seats on the plane? wtf kind of sales process is that?

New York… next month we’re going off the clock - hope to see ya there!

i feel like i should clarify here: i don’t work with that brand anymore, i don’t NEED to be nice to you. if you come at me or mine just be warned: i LIKE to battle and i’m not half bad at it. feel free to take your shots, but don’t cry victim when mine actually land!

Me trying to figure out what got my IG taken down this time.

yo @spotify there’s like 4 & a half more hours of Sunday, why’d my Discover Weekly update already?!

listened to a song i haven’t heard in a decade and finally had my ‘aha’ moment - it might’ve taken a whole year, but i’m ready… see you soon!

been going to the gym w my dog Mr. Sad the past week or so and i’m starting to question whether we’re actually friends or not