Autocorrect is now trying to tell me whether or not I'm trying to use the word in or on and it's wrong 100% if the time.

Usher has the body of a 25 year old and the sweat glands of a 45. #SuperBowl

Mecole Hardman started the season as a NY Jet and gets the game winner in a Superbowl The biggest "Started At The Bottom Now We Here" moment in nfl history. #SuperBowl #SuperBowlLVIII

Hey Verizon Fios . Just had my service mistakenly cancelled by one of your reps, costing my roommate 4 hours PTO because we were without internet. Thank god all you could credit me was $50... which doesn't even cover two hours of PTO, let alone the whole bill I still have to pay.

"Kids these days are so dumb, they're eating tide pods. In my day we never did something that stupid." Right... and all those "Did you eat paint chips as a kid?" jokes just magically appeared out of nowhere.

Anyone who watched AOT and felt that earthquake better not be high right now.

The OJs expired.

Some people think the vaccine caused OJs death. I'm not one of those people but I'm rooting for this truth because then he finally would've died by legal injection.

At least he finally got the popular vote.

A coworker was trying to think of a nickname for their weed pen. they said it was strong and knocks them out. "So you get real high, then you're dead? John F. Pen-nedy Jr."

Trump and Biden have talked on the phone after the attempted Punk Rock piercing incident. I want to hear that call more than I want a stable housing market.

Top Redemption Arcs in TV/Movies: Zuko - ATLA Steve - Stranger Things Vegeta - DBZ The whole Rose Family - Schitts Creek Reggie - Bad Boys movies

This Election Day is the only day where the headline "Trump beats another woman." would surprise me.

I'm finding out more and more schools are running drills for ICE raids. Hey, at least the kids/staff they're threatening to yank out of class will be safe from when the white kid shows up with a gun.

HOW DOES VIRAL #TCGPOCKET #GODPACK

TV ADHD: Omg I can never focus Real ADHD: I've had "I Got 5 On It" stuck in my head for 3 days... but not the original, the one from the Trailer for "Us".

"How old are you turning?" "Old enough to need my concerts to have closed captions."

Good morning to everyone except the people who designed their verification code systems in a way that doesn't let me copy and paste them. I wish you many rocks in your shoes.

Now I'm confused because when was Bill's nickname ever "The Swamp"?

Give it two weeks and you'll see people angrier about a halftime show than a murder.