My bank account is cleaned out. It might be the most clean thing about me. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

Every time I come back from a walk without falling I do a happy dance. Then that's when I normally trip over something I've hoarded. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I get a lot of exercise in the summer--blowing my nose from allergies and itching my back from mosquito bites. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I live in the projects. I’m surrounded by all of the stuff I haven’t gotten to yet. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #newdaynewjoke #jokeoftheday #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

My parents were sad my birth hospital didn't have a return policy. They were hoping for a boy. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #Write10Club #newdaynewjoke #jokeoftheday #womenincomedy #freelancewriter

I'm sort of shy. Being a female Peeping Tom really works well for me. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

There’s a new show, The Farmer Takes a Wife. I guess even farmers can be kidnappers. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

People Magazine must think that most of us are not people since the only people they write about are celebrities. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I have a small staff. My cane isn’t very big. Joel Byars @HotBreathPodd #joke #comedy #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Wrie10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

Considering I can't sew, my body is all sewn up. Surgeons are great seamstresses. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

Don't make promises you can't keep. If only. That's why I'm in constant retract mode. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #Write10Club #newdaynewjoke #jokeoftheday #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I'm pretty easy to please. Just looking at a Snickers gives me instant gratification. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #comedywriter #joke #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomdyd

Celine Dion knows what it means to persevere. Her heart will go on. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewritr #womenincomedy

I stayed at a retreat which was great for me since I'm always looking backwards. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I may seem like I’m lazy, but the truth is I’m just very good at procrastinating. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I finally got to premiere my comedy act. People told me I should have let my procrastination kick in a little longer. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

I deserve to be happy. Dressing up as one of the 7 Dwarfs is not what I had in mind. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #comedy #joke #comedywriter #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

Parking is a lot like geometry. You circle a lot trying to find a place to parallel park. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #Write10Club #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #freelancewriter #womenincomedy

If "you can't have your cake and eat it, too" was true I wouldn't be as overweight as I am. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #joke #comedy #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womeincomedy

I'm always full of surprises. It all started when my upcoming birth was a complete surprise to my parents. Joel Byars Hot Breath! Podcast #comedy #joke #comedywriter #jokeoftheday #newdaynewjoke #Write10Club #freelancewriter #womenincomedy