Borders between internet scroll time and real life continue to blur. Deny All

Do jolly ranchers not kick like they used to or has the monotony of adult life dulled my sense of taste and wonder. Also I always thought it was funny to call them happy farmers

Instituting a hiring freeze on new clothing, acting immediately and persisting indefinitely. Current members of the org will need to prove their worth or get OUT

Walking into Goodwill like God will provide

Been pressing this bad boy every time before starting the rental Kia. Just to be safe.

Charged iced coffee bout to turn me to Peter Parker

What does it mean when you catch a bird lookin at you funny

I'm a temperate and just man until you set me down next to the purple bag doritos

As a parent I will always trust my kid. I will trust them to be ok to sit in the car with the windows cracked while I go into the grocery store 😊

A little confused but you got the spirit thrift shop

Fine I'll say it; belvita crackers have the world in a chokehold but are just glorified graham crackers that are socially acceptable to eat as a meal/snack

Sometimes u gotta pick up your laptop with one hand in a weird way like you might a puppy by the back of its neck. To show it who's boss

Nobody embodies calm in the midst of the storm like a single TJ Maxx cashier with a big line. Unshakeable, no emotions, can't be hurried

The magic in flying on planes is gone..not because I'm old, because there's no Skymall magazine onboard anymore. Products that don't exist in real life that when you try to remember them now, fade away like an early morning dream, leaving behind only the feeling they imparted

Forgot how much I love yard saleing ... Inflation marches on but those little green $1 stickers don't change

Idea: reverse door dash. People have extra portions of their dinners (think family meal) and you can drive to their house and pick it up

My bathroom floor lookin like the aftermath of Vader cutting down obi wan in Ep4

Wait so you're telling me the first thing I'm supposed to do after a morning shower is to put on deodorant, an item that has encountered many sweaty armpits and never is washed. Don't fall for it kings #stinkygang