Ever go to check the temperature on the weather app and lose 3 weeks to tiktok?

Why does my body only ever want to wear white pants on my period? Never go to wear white pants the other days of the month… but on my period, can only put together white pant based outfits

Do women write on their dating apps “no my daughter, my niece” like men do?

the relationship between a straight woman and her gay best friend is complicated. He is my child, husband and daddy all wrapped in one small frame

do people get intellectually horny? the same way people get physically horny?

So excited to share my first piece in Fashion Journal Mag! All about being a plus size stand up comedian ahhhh so cool! fashionjournal.com.au/fashion/female…

Just started seeing a therapist (sexually)

You ever see your dog walk into a room and get surprised you’re there? Like, bitch Who you expect?? I pay our rent

Jess Fuchs let me get a photo on a stage before a comedy show started. This is my attempt at looking like Seinfeld.

The way god keeps giving me tests and trials its like, why you so obsessed with me specifically?

#Melbourne Twitter...if that is even a thing. Hello! I am coming to town next week for shows. Come, please!! eventbrite.com/e/one-night-on…

I have a friend who thinks thrifting is gross. It’s like, look at your boyfriend... He’s second hand, isn’t cheap, trendy or cute and yet I find a way to be polite and respectful, always make positive comments, ‘oh yeah? He has pockets. That’s cool’

im a generous lover (just gives people tickets to my comedy shows)

You know you slept good when you wake up and one tit is popping out the t-shirt sleeve

Currently watching a man try to wrangle his two white terriers, and very embarrassed for him

Remember growing up our parents would say not to sit close to the tv bc it’s bad for you….and now most of us would fuck a laptop if it meant we’d give birth to the new iPhone

the sexual tension between me and the passenger of the car next to me matching my speed on a highway is unparalleled

lord, give me the good fortune to never have to anonymously post in a beauty Facebook group about a weird lump or bump on my body

Absolutely loving seeing all the basic couples dressed as Justin and Hailey

My tampons waiting patiently for me 25 days a month