1/2 Hi Rhonda. Firstly, what a lovely husband you have. He could be well and truly put-off by your horribly stained anus, but instead he's willing to incorporate it into your love-play in a really romantic way. So, please remember how lucky you are for that. With regards to the

2/2 table, the best cleaning method is actually saliva. It has some wonderful enzymes in it that break down the faeces and make it easier to remove. So maybe get hubby to join you and you can both get to licking and make the table nice and clean again. Good luck!

Breaking tradition yet again to help our pitiful friends in The Ghoul Club. If you have a personal ghost story you’d like to share, let them know. They might even read it out on their (inferior) podcast.

Well, what a happy ending to this story! Except for the rectal monkeypox, that is. Mahmood suggests wrapping a dildo in sandpaper and giving your husband's back passage a good go-over. Just ignore the bleeding, he says. In the meantime, we'll keep an eye out for your Qashqai! 😉

Exceptional 👏🏻

There's nothing wrong with some perfectly normal pigeon-play or pigeonlingus. Next time, invite the pigeon into your bed and see what happens!

This is a wonderful case of a man with his priorities in order. Men, ask yourself: If you're going to have a child, how is going to benefit you? Will you get a bigger bin? Will it shut the wife up for a bit? Think strategically! Women absolutely adore it.

Men should really have the prerogative to urinate wherever they feel most comfortable doing so. The garden, the living room, their wife's face... it's all fair game for the alpha male.

What is the location and how quickly can we get there?

William being a big old bottom is the most interesting thing about him but as any queer person will tell you that’s still pretty boring. #PrinceOfPegging

Prince William is in to pegging? So what? We’ve indulged in a light fisting session or two. Perhaps allow a donkey punch for some romance. Is this a big deal?

Particularly with family, it can be very special. Get mum and dad involved; and grandma! The older generations are already very loose and always up for it.

Looking for something to fill the Joan-and-Jericha-shaped hole in your life? Our friends at Campfire Ghouls solve a dirty new 'Paranormal Problem' every Tuesday, inspired Dear Joan & Jericha. open.spotify.com/episode/6PqNyu…