15 months sober today. Please clap. Or go look at my bio and send a couple bucks towards Sancho's medicine and surgery. Or buy me some plants. Or tell me you're proud of me. Something nice. My family has decided this is a good day to crap on me instead of acknowledging it.

😂😂😂😂😂 When coach says retweet I retweet.

1984. The book, not the Van Halen album.

😂

That... Is such an awesome name, omg.

Assistant to the world's most famous child sex trafficker is free to come and go from "prison" after meeting with Trump's personal attorney. But law and order, back the blue, and we're putting soldiers in the street to "fight crime." Cool.

It's not funny, but it's somehow also hilarious that kids 20 years from now are going to read about a fascist pedophile deploying troops to US cities because a 19 year old kid named Big Balls did a Jussie Smollette in the streets of our nation's capitol. #EpsteinTrumpFiles

This is my first time ever selling a plant. Please validate me and tell me it's pretty. I'm keeping the big one. #plants #Ecommerce #green

She is a vile, racist, Islamaphobic, mid Jigsaw looking, banned from Doordash, Trump dick sucking, (allegedly) salty wet bread crotch smelling piece of shit - but this is objectively hilarious #EpsteinTrumpCoverUp

I... Like this is some serious insecure narcissistic man baby shit right here, not just to think this but to say it, out loud, publicly, on live TV, as a sitting President of the United States of America.

I'm not anti EV or whatever but comparing a brand new high end performance engine to a used battery is top tier dorkery. Tell me you don't know shit about cars without saying you don't know shit about cars.

Do feds typically carry dildos with them?

Ugh. This seems fair.

I guess nobody can get peace done.

I love this story because it's both justice and incredible pettiness. HOAs are the goddamn devil and I LOVE that they're getting taken down over a literal penny.

My mom has called my girlfriends whores. I actually think that's better than this. This is fuckin weird.

I bet somewhere out there, somebody is holding a frozen Reese's cup in their teeth while they take their insulin. It's me. I'm somebody.

That plate frame tho

Not Bink 😭 I hate to see you go, Bink Saunders. #nfltraderumors