This impeachment hearing right now is like watching my mom try to turn her sound on on Zoom. #ImpeachmentTrial

Putting on jeans for the first time in a year is like “Aw hell no.”

Prediction for 2022: Andy Cohen will be barfing into one of those Planet Fitness hats by 1:00am. #CNNNYE

I want Dwayne Johnson to introduce my next client Zoom meeting. #unstoppable #adbowl

Sorry, I just don’t believe that Lindsay Lohan works out at #planetfitness. Shatner however? Totes. #sbads #SuperBowl

All these crypto ads on the #Superbowl #adbowl

“Sorry I’m late, I was cooking dinner for my kids.” “Oh? How old are they?” “20 and 21.” “They don’t cook their own dinner?” “Nah, they’re modern kids.”

Dude with the "Older brother's wacky friend from a 90's sitcom" vibe.

Once Elon Musk buys #Ticketmaster I’m sure this will all be sorted out. 👍 #TicketmasterIsOverParty #TaylorSwiftTheErasTour

Patrick Mahomes throws TDs like you throw a towel into the bin on your way out of the locker room.

My favorite tweet of 2023 so far...

Last night I did something very dangerous. The Kars-4-Kids commercial came on and I didn’t mute it.

I'm riding 550 miles to raise money for the City of Hope. Cancer is a bastard thief who steals our lives and our loved ones -- our teachers, artists and geniuses. Please support #fireflieswest Learn more and donate here 👉 - ourhope.cityofhope.org/fundraiser/476…

What’s the over/under on how much longer X, the platform formerly known as Twitter will be called “X, the platform formerly known as Twitter” by every single journalist?

Gen Z is the Mecha-Godzilla created by Gen X to exact revenge on millennials.

Heard this conversation in my head as I read it. 🤣

100 percent on point Kyle Brandt describing the Kansas City Chiefs win to "Hulk Hogan shaking the rope" 🤣

Hey Coors Light you should remake the #wingman commercial with Patrick Mahomes II and Travis Kelce I know a guy.... youtube.com/watch?v=UEVa2s…

For decades, only Chiefs fans liked the Chiefs because they were so bad. Now only Chiefs fans like the Chiefs because they’re so good.

Whoever started the phrase “I have the receipts” probably shopped at CVS a lot.