Jarvis, write a routine for yourself which gives you a sincere and irrevocable faith in the Irish Catholic church.

Jarvis, oh my god why are people comparing me to THIS billionaire? Fucking do something. Do you see what he's doing? Oh my god he's stealing more memes about the $8 thing. Oh my god.

Sorry for polluting your safe space. Didn't realize my audience was so sensitive. Jarvis, circumcise this guy.

Jarvis, fetch my penis bong.

Jarvis, LOL.

Jarvis, tell everyone that if they want to follow me somewhere after Twitter goes down they should turn off the lights and sit in a dark corner until I appear to them like an angel.

Jarvis, invest $2,000,000 into a local business with an extremely predatory contract.

moon and stars moon and stars hit this man with 15fteen cars

Jarvis, make my fingers 10 inches long so I can get the Pringles out of the Pringles can. This tweet sponsored by #Pringles. Just kidding. Jarvis, open fire on a random suburban home.

Jarvis, wet my lips.

Jarvis, you're pregnant.

Jarvis, squeeze my fruit.

Jarvis, make all active duty officers wear a badge that says "steal my open-carry service weapon and win a free Carnival Cruise for your family!" This Tweet Sponsored By Carnival Cruise Line #ad

Jarvis, release a wild beast.

LOL LMAO ok that's enough, Jarvis, reactivate Mitch McConnell.

Jarvis, scramble all passwords on earth.

What the fuck, ok this time it wasn't me.

Jarvis, drink my blood.