Alright, which one of you fuckers thought it would be funny to tell my grandma that I am "a smart young man"?

I’m going to give 5 people that retweet this tweet $10,000 each to celebrate Christmas! (Make sure you follow me so I can dm you if you win!). I will show proof!

Shopping carts need turn signals

Our government is hopelessly behind on tech. Legislators haven’t had guidance since 1995 when they got rid of the Office of Technology Assessment. The average Senator is 62. Speeches won’t do much against trillions of dollars of financial incentives.

Proximity chat in the car while driving!?

I forgot how much I love having my nails painted. I feel like I can cast a spell on a bitch just by waving my hand around.

As you watch footage of Martin Luther King today showing white people outraged at the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s... if you oppose diversity efforts today, you are those people. 50 years from now people will be watching film of you and wondering what was wrong with you.

I am the love child of Spider-Man and Doom Guy.

Rich angry boomer tears taste the sweetest. Tbh this mothafucker got off easy. He's lucky we all aren't like Armie Hammer. #EatTheRich

*Sluuuuuuuuuuuuurp*

Those who buy it are equally guilty David Perez Bingus mesothelioma

Ummm i got randomly tested last week (negative btw) which is cool but.... where the fuck is my free meal voucher?

Excuse me! Chegg what the fuck is this?

It's binary

I love watching literal All-Star teams being assembled just to stop Joe Ingles

Absolutely fuming that the vaccine card is not the same size as a credit card.