I've always wanted to celebrate #Easter in the traditional Jewish way. Anybody got a savior and a couple pieces of wood?

New episode is out. On the #podcast this week we talk abut a Triad gangster, and the Knights Hospitaller battling the Ottomans. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/let… stitcher.com/podcast/let-th… open.spotify.com/show/55oHOQpjn… #comedy #History

I was given free reign to hate, so hate I did.

Playing solitaire is a great metaphor for #life. You can do everything right and still lose spectacularly.

Getting measurements taken is just getting told mathematically how fat you are. #Showerthoughts

"The children are coming" is the worst way to tell your partner that you're about to nut. #sexadvice

Crackdown 3 lets you play as Terry Crews so why even bother with other character options?

"Do you have any useful or marketable skills?" Well I'm a comedian, so no.

Aesthetically, crossing from #OC to #LA is like the scene in Beauty and the Beast when Belle leaves her village then gets lost in the woods and chased by wolves.

Even Donald J. Trump is against the #AlabamaAbortionBill. So now I'm just waiting for everyone's heads to explode like the end of Kingsman.

How I look at my account balance trying to will more #money into existence.

#MyFirstSexualExperience Faked my orgasm then snuck out so her dad wouldn't catch me.

Ashtray out here looking like a scene from BLACKED #lifeimitatesart

Throwing a parade for #StraightPride is as convincing as watching interracial porn for white pride.

Nice try, #Germany. #ThursdayThoughts

Laugh at us #fat fucks being fat fucks with #vegan meat. youtu.be/zt1AluD4Prs #HealthFood

Roast Report for FIGHT NIGHT 7/9/19 by Kelsey Lane: verbalviolence.tv/ghosts-of-roas… (presented by SpeedWeed) MAIN EVENT: Isaac Hirsch (#10, 10-3) vs. Jacob Trimmer (#19, 8-4-1)

Roast Report for FIGHT NIGHT 7/16/19 by Jay Light: verbalviolence.tv/double-your-ma… (presented by SpeedWeed) MAIN EVENTS Isaac Hirsch (#10, 10-3) vs. Jacob Trimmer (#19, 8-4-1) Omid Singh (#6, 20-9) vs. Queef Richards (#11, 10-0)

Fines and jail time for not serving jury duty, great incentive. Hey here's a thought, maybe if your system wasn't broken and corrupt people would be alright being part of it without threats? County of Orange

A live look at Roethlisberger during all the news stories about AB