J. R. Eldridge (MisreadBible) happy launch day, MisreadBible: Joshua.

It's ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! misreadbible.com/books/joshua youtube.com/watch?v=aQJhRw… youtube.com/watch?v=kLbWmm…

Then God said, ‘Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and sacrifice him as a burnt offering.’ Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out, ‘LOL JK.’ And Isaac was all like, ‘WTF?’ - Genesis 22:2-12

Also, happy International Blasphemy Day! I’m fortunate to live in a part of the world where I can publish books satirising the Bible. Sadly, there are still places with blasphemy laws. I chose this date in honour of those who don’t yet have the freedom to blaspheme. God damn it!

Then Abraham rose and spoke to the Hittites. He said, ‘Sell me a tomb so that I can bury my wife.’ The Hittites replied to Abraham, ‘You are a mighty prince among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs.’ Abraham replied, ‘Oh, she’s not dead.’ - Genesis 23:3-6

Abraham was now very old. He said to the senior servant in his household, ‘Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to cup my balls.’ The servant did so. ‘Ha ha!’ laughed Abraham. ‘I can’t believe you did it!’ - Genesis 24:1-3

Then Abraham breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man and full of years. And he was gathered into a ball and rolled into a cave. - Genesis 25:8-9

Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, saying, ‘Have you tried having sex with her?’ And, miraculously, his wife Rebekah became pregnant. - Genesis 25:21

The babies kicked inside Rebekah, and she said, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ So she went to enquire of the Lord. The Lord replied, ‘You’re as bad as your husband. It’s normal for babies to kick. Calm down.’ - Genesis 25:22-23

And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, ‘Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man:’ Gillette 27:11

When Isaac caught the smell of Jacob’s clothes, he said, ‘Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed.’ Jacob replied, ‘Yeah, I just came from the field, and while I was out there, the Lord “blessed” all over me!’ - Genesis 27:27

When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and he’s been watching me sleep...’ - Genesis 28:16

Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud, for she had been rolling around in sheep dung all morning. - Genesis 29:11