You tellin me there’s a dj on this vinaigrette??

Applying copious quantities of aluminum-containing deodorant to forget about it’s link to increased risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia 😮‍💨

Something in this gin and tonic is making me feel real good. I think it’s the tonic

Pick a card, any card? I’ll take your business card. Your #network is your #networth

easily the worst L monkeys have ever taken

Attacking rival fish in your aquarium is such a beta move

In prison they should give you 3 hints on how to get out like an escape room

Just got given a giant fob to the city what an honor

Oh you’re in her DMs?? I’m in her cottage. I’m making disgusting cheese

They should make dog parks just for us boys

The name’s Tom. Tom Foolery

I had a buddy whose teeth all fell out by the time he was like 10

Lmao night night, Aussies. Enjoy your night time while literally everyone else in the entire world is soaking up the sun. Should we send you some warm milk and blankets? Rip Van Winkle ass lmaaaooo 🛌🦘🛌🦘🛌 don't let the bed bugs bite

you’re telling me an oyster this cracker?

Setting a birth control alarm everyday to remind me to punch myself in the balls

Forgot to take my lactose pill gotta take a plan brie

When I was a kid I wanted to pull these freaks apart like a wishbone

Find my friends streetview