Luka tearing up at his Mavericks tribute video, fans chanting “fire Nico” repeatedly, Anthony Davis playing against the Lakers, Lebron vintage alley-oop, Austin Reaves putback dunk, Luka w 31 points, a close & meaningful game…. and it’s ONLY HALFTIME

I used to wonder why I hadn’t hit my financial goals yet but now I know that God was protecting me from owning a Tesla.

It’s horrifically poetic that if Jesus came to America today, “the savior” would be sent to El Salvador.

A devil’s threesome should be any threesome where you’re all 6’s.

This Knicks-Pistons game reminds me of the early 2000s Sundays that made me fall in love w the game.

As much as I wanted to see Lebron vs Steph in these playoffs, I’m very down w this being the year Anthony Edwards takes the title as face of the league. If he eliminates Lebron & Steph after doing that to KD last year, the torch is officially passed.

The next Jubilee video: 100 conservative men vs 1 liberal gorilla

Tonight a woman told me she’s getting her US citizenship on the 21st and I took the opportunity to respond with

Tweeting a line because it doesn’t work on stage is a comedian’s way of saying “this joke is for the streets”.

If you have a love life like Jennifer Lopez, you need to stop giving people the benafleck of the doubt.

Strange that Trump is against trans women in sports when competing against women is the only way he’s ever won the presidency.

If you don’t standup for something, you’ll improv for anything.

I wish “authoritarian” meant that your parents wrote books. Did this joke fix everything?

About 4 minutes ago I reached the age where you hurt your neck getting off of the couch too fast. But this NBA Finals game has been exciting.

Girl are you the Delta app? Cuz I’d like to tap to complete check-in.

Cole Anthony likely to be a free agent. I think he’d flourish in Brooklyn and would also have a blast playing in Charlotte, Washington, or even Minnesota

America just turned 249 years old. Nearly old enough to be president.

I think all Scholastic literature is about me. I’m a textbook narcissist.