Why are kids always so damn hungry?! Like I JUST fed you yesterday. Chill smh.

You ever started cleaning up and ended up making an ever bigger mess in the process?

You know how good it feels for someone to tell you that they appreciate you or that they’re proud of you? Just because?! Listen.

I just want everyone to be more selfish in 2024. More selfish with your time. More selfish with your money. More selfish with your feelings. More selfish with YOU! It’s ok to do things solely for you sometimes.

My stomach to me every time I even THINK about drinking milk or chocolate milk:

My daughter made “fat free” brownies since she knows I’m trying to lose weight. Cool. But why these hoes taste like ALL the fat is still in them?!

It’s technically still the weekend and I’m already stressing about work tomorrow. I’m just ready to retire. I’m over it.

My boss: Hey. We’re gonna be short handed tomorrow so if you wanna come in a few hours early you can. Me:

So it’s 8 inches of snow on the ground, the roads are icy, school is out basically for the week, and it’s -4° outside (Yes, NEGATIVE FOUR DEGREES). And y’all still expect people to go to work in this arctic bullshit?!

You ever had a good day but a bad day at the same time?

Being an adult is basically just paying bills and being able to eat cereal and ice cream whenever you want.

Every night I talk to my 91 year old grandma. Same time like clockwork. Easily my most favorite human bean in the world. She’s not answering or calling me back tonight and I am in shambles. I’m sure I’m tripping but listen . . .

I finally talked to her! She’s safe and sound. Crisis adverted lol

The Super Bowl is on and it doesn’t even feel like a big deal. The game, the commercials, nothing. Is it just me?

So is Starry just Sprite? Or am I tripping?

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Do everything you said you were gonna do. I promise you’ll reap the benefits.

Welp, just got an email that there’s Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the conference room. I just had breakfast but let me mossy on down there and see what’s going on.

So have prom dresses always been THIS damn expensive?! Or am I just being a dad right now?