No ma'am, I will not take you to Funkytown. Didn't anyone teach you it's rude to keep nagging? (Earworm, gaaaahh.)

If you take out all the vowels, HAIRPIN and HARPOON are the same word. But you wouldn't want to confuse one for the other.

I'm getting ready to make a fairly stressful phone call (finance-related) and part of me thinks I need to boil some water first, like for an old-timey medical emergency

Jimi Hendrix, singing to his hollandaise sauce: but first, are you emulsified? have you ever been emulsified? well... I have

(imaginary phone call) Boss: you can't work because of a foot injury? can you explain what happened? Me: I, um, stepped on a grain of rice Boss: ??? Me: I was barefoot, and it was uncooked rice, on a HARDWOOD FLOOR

Maybe they were *trying* to give this product a name that tells you what it's for but they gave up?

Everyone says "be careful of sharp things" but I've probably been harmed more by dull ones.

I'm officially renaming Smoothies with oatmeal in them as Lumpies.

Remember all the marches & protests back in 2016? This unidentified child was way ahead of his time.

Yesterday my husband didn't have time to eat the toast he made for breakfast and he asked if he should take it to work or leave it here for me. I just found it. In a sealed Rubbermaid container, in the FRIDGE. WHY?

The most frustrating earworm: a Pearl Jam song which I actually like but I don't know ANY of the lyrics or the title (Eddie man, would it kill you to string together 3 or 4 clearly enunciated words I could search?)

Asked my husband if he'd like some of the cheese & spinach casserole I just took out of the oven. "No, I'll wait till I'm more... starving. It'll taste better then."

First day of my husband's retirement today: I am showing him how to cook chili from scratch. He's gonna need shit to DO.

Gaaah. I've quit drinking (year & a half), but I find in these last few post-election bleak horrible days, try as I might... cash in pocket, 20+ liquor stores/bars on my way home from work... I'm drawing up lists in my head comparing pros/cons of Sober Me & Drunk Me. Halp. Now.

I've already asked mother-in-law to think about how she has voted for the elimination of any future government benefits for her autistic grandson (my kid), she's got nothing to say. Fuck her. I don't care that she's 82 and grew up in a different time. FUCK.

Today at work I got called darlin', sweetie, honey, doll, beautiful, and baby. Yep. Veterans Day.

Today's earworm: "MULTPLE STAB WOUNDS" to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries," you're welcome

Question I never thought would need to be asked: Is it bad if raw egg whites get into a printer?