Folks it’s actually happening, I am the Luggage Guy. Tune in next week. #TheBachelor

have you ever had a girl call your bun cute, but all you did was just toss it up, assuming you were looking like Miss Trunchbull? it happened to me once and I’ll cherish that compliment forever.

my life summed up in one motto: always second, never first 🥈

I just watched all 21 minutes of Vanessa’s eulogy from Kobe and Gianna’s celebration of life today and I’m a fucking mess. If anyone wants to cry a good cry, and feel the deepest things, I recommend it 😭😭❤️

I was in Brandy Melville with my man and he was asking all the questions like how/what/why it is mostly in “one size” and it was impossible to answer him. literally felt like I was explaining colors to a blind person.

how about you amaze me and do the right thing... have an independent investigation

taking advantage of this WFH thing during #coronavirus pandemic.. gonna hydrate like a mofo, focus on my skincare routine, do some at home workouts... or I end up binge watching and stuff my face w/ all the junk food I stocked up on. either way, my colleagues won’t recognize me.

when I can no longer take long, deep, rips of my bong is when I realize I have the shortness of breath symptom #coronavirus

Every night I get my fucking heart ripped out of me playing Mario Kart. Seriously you can’t win with this game. You’re in 1st then all of a sudden a red fucking shell comes out of nowhere and ruins your night

it happened. over a week of being stuck in quarantine together, and I walked in on my man doing a doodie.

unpopular opinion: I don’t have sympathy for people celebrating this ONE birthday in quarantine... try having a Christmas birthday, then we can talk

Omg remember this Deidre Nicole 😭 senior prom ‘08!!

Me aka my my dog showing up to my zoom meeting Monday morning

OK so why hasn’t Apple figured out how to do facial recognition with masks on?? 😩😩 my middle class ass is sick of entering my pin every time I want to use my phone

Remember the year of the clowns (2016)? This is the 2020/quarantine version Kyle Clark

A final thought tonight from Denver...

“iN tHe EnD, nO mAttEr WhO wInS, wE’rE aLL iN tHis ToGetHeR” LOL no we’re not 🤣 70 million of y’all ARE DEAD TO ME 😁

omw to find out the person i like had sex last night and i wasn’t involved #BachelorInParadise

CAPTAIN UPPER PANTS #BachelorInParadise

Wells. For. Host. How much more obvious does it have to be. #BachelorInParadise