There’s some victim-blaming going on after Marty McFly’s atrocious guitar solo.

My house is haunted if you just wanna come over.

The only time my neighbors have asked me to turn the TV down is when Wallace Shawn ate soup in My Dinner With Andre.

I can’t fit any more plastic bags inside this plastic bag and I’m all out of ideas.

Ken Griffey Jr. and Ken Griffey Sr. aren’t related. Their names are purely coincidental.

I can't move out of my apartment until I figure out if my ice tray came with the freezer or I bought it myself.

I need a burner phone to play the jukebox from.

I always keep a thesaurus handy and within reach.

Gas, grass or NBA League Pass. Nobody rides for free.

Thanks to the pandemic, I haven’t been on a date in three years.

Of course I get mugged on the day I’m wearing two watches.

My girlfriend saw my dandruff shampoo and said, “But you don’t have a girlfriend.”

Dear Popular Mechanics Forum, I never thought this would happen to me...

If I’m going to die at the bar, I’m going to do it the old-fashioned way.

Do not let your kids name the pets. Just ask Gomer and Shampoo. They named our dog Spike.

A lot of the stars in the sky died thousands of years ago yet you still see them night after night. Anyway, it’s time to go to the bar again.

Skip my songs on the jukebox all you want, it’ll just make me stay at the bar even longer.

The secret to my “uggos get in free” kissing booth is that when I charge the uggos, they feel pretty.