I could never trust a mycologist. Too much spore exposure. Oh, mushrooms are a "crucial part of various ecosystems" are they? Or is that the mold talking?

Lowkey only having 1 kid and that kid being a girl is so cunty like it’s a serve

Cleared my scheduled to do this tomorrow

It's scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

hootin is a gateway drug to hollerin

watching sex and the city with the volume so high that my apartment shakes whenever samantha talks

during the famine of 2027 my four gay sons and i had to ration our khloe kardashian protein popcorn

you got time for one more backflip Benson

I’m still seeing some dude’s high beams from 3 days ago

Pulling my pants down and slapping my butt cheeks around to get out of jury duty

Laughing at a thought I made

i think tate mcrae came from the same lab where they make crumbl cookies

Can't stop thinking about "it's not clocking to you that I'm standing on business"

This thread is blowing my mind

I'm gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful like a tweet or a close friends story

eating the salt in a pretzel bag

Asking for a cigarette then adding it to my own pack

when life gets so bad u have to focus on pilates and female friendship