Thanks everyone, Rishi Sunak is crying and refusing to get changed out of his pyjamas. I hope you're happy with yourselves. #LocalElections

Some will mistakenly think this is part of the act, but no, Boris Johnson is just this incompetent. #LocalElections

Definitely a let's get on the telly episode as her mate could easily show her around #aplaceinthesun

Yep, definitely feminism that did that, not having the sort of judgement that leads you to shag Boris Johnson behind his wife's back.

This will be a belter. Can’t wait.

Some bad news, Liz…

New Private Eye out now!

Our Player of the Century, The King was a giant in the story of Sunderland AFC and his legacy on Wearside will forever endure.

RIP the greater centre half that the World has ever seen.

Junior doctors start their careers on £29,384.

There is not a single Conservative MP who would be prepared to do their jobs for that salary.

If we’re not careful there won’t be a single junior doctor who is prepared to do so either.

What the Rwanda Bill delivers:
-£500m+ bill for taxpayers
-performative cruelty for political gain
-breaking international law
-denying basic human rights to desperate people
-dog whistle to the worst dregs of society
-making people ashamed to be British
#RwandaNotInMyName

A pleasant stroll along the seafront this morning #Cyprus

Much clearer over the hills behind Polis today #Cyprus

'Pleased to meet you'
'Fuck off'

Hiked Aphrodite’s Trail this morning. Some stunning views along the way and well worth the effort. #Cyprus

We don't think doctors are the best people to judge whether someone is too ill to work, so we are giving that job to unqualified private contractors, whose pay will depend on finding everyone fit for work.

Fantastic Friday morning meander along the coast with stunning views all the way. 6 miles and 15,000 steps. If only all Fridays were like this. #Cyprus

Did you know the word ‘junior’ in Junior Doctor doesn’t mean young or unqualified

It’s simply the term for any doctor who is not yet a consultant or experienced GP

That includes this 40-something who’s been a doctor for over 10 years

Please RT if you think everyone should know

“..and after a lengthy discussion of our manifesto pledges, I suddenly realised it was 3am. At this point I tried to call an Uber but accidentally phoned a pensioner and demanded £6,500…”

Please remember that Mark Menzies is simply one bad apple. Just like William Wragg, Peter Bone, Chris Pincher, Neil Parish, Crispin Blunt, Owen Patterson, David Warburton, Scott Benton, Rob Roberts, Andrew Griffiths, Andrew Rosindell…

Today I have mostly been taking credit for prices going down when in fact they are just going up less quickly and it is fuck all to do with me.