This is The Situation Room - the only way to start your day.

Sio mimi nimesema.

Between Chelsea FC and Sakaja FC, who would win the Incompetence Premier League? Vote Wisely.

Lazima iFloat.

Creating useless Gov't posts for political rejects and TikTok twerkers, but paying Medical Interns is where you draw the line? Stop carrying us pumpkin.

You know why I asked Nuriah Bookshop to get me that Francis Ole Kaparo Book?

Today's NATION serialized that part where Francis Ole Kaparo was Speaker of Parliament at the time of the Goldenberg Scandal.

Kaparo says Goldenberg International Company was owned by Kamlesh Pattni

Ruto has beaten hustlers with the cost of living until they can't even remember their methali anymore. Someone hide this from Christina Shusho.

Bwana nimefika home nikapata || Buy African Books || already delivered Francis Ole Kaparo, Abdi Shurie na huyu jamaa mwingine ako na storyline moto sana. Wacha nitoe hii matope kwa gumboot I Pray for Arsenal first.

BREAKING NEWS: KMPDU Secretary General Davji Bhimji Atellah Atellah has told the Gov't that they can take back their 18 shillings and give doctors just one, if that will make them sleep well tonight. Bwana someone tell the driver anishukishe kwa ile pole ya stima. Hio ndio stage yangu.

We're crossing over to our very own reporter at Kabula Market, along Bumula Road. Mheshimiwa Jack Wamboka, take it away.

NEWS JUST IN: Azimio Parliamentary Group met today and sent Hon. Opiyo Wandayi, EGH to read a statement informing Ruto and his prayer warriors that we will not be carried pumpkin anymore, and we will be there no matter what.

'The noises that we make at the Senate is not futile.' - Nairobi Senator, Edwin Sifuna.

DJ, run it back from the top.

Janet Muthoni-Ouko has also decided to continue with the Lord's work, as we wait for the Nairobi River Commission to return from counting their monthly stipend. The fear is gone everywhere.

Lazima iDrown.

Everyone has decided they will not keep quiet anymore.

Tomorrow, Arsenal must remove inside.

World War III at the San Siro.

The relationship between Arsenal fans and thuggery is now a scientific area of study in Malawi. Kiburi FC, gather around.

When you love your shoes more than Christ loved the church.