If she don’t drive a midsize SUV, she not the one for me

Arnold Palmer… I hardly know her

I miss LINSANITY

It’s a great day for ultimate frisbee

Where the rotc girls at?

If you ever want something to work, just tell somebody it’s broke

Are you alright babe? You’ve hardly touched your New England clam chowder

I’d do some crazy things for a deviled egg right now

Are high school reunions real?

I think I would fit in well in Australia

Professor: You shouldn’t rely on the textbook, try to paraphrase Also Professor: Your grade would be better if you used more scholarly sources.

Girl are you a criminal? Cuz I just felon love with you

My pronouns are hunter/gatherer

If you test drive a motorcycle does the salesman just hop on the back?

Wiener dog name: Coney

What if we kissed at the Coconut Bar & Grill at Howard Johnson by Wyndham?

Me speaking at a funeral: *Opens Prezi

If your underwear don’t have holes in em are you really living to the fullest?

At advanced auto parts getting my battery changed by a goth chick on graduation day