From now on I will be calling my sperm "Meat Honey"

They still sell disposable cameras?

I mean... titok ant that bad?!

I mean... #California #calivibes #rent #comedyreels #comedyvideos #funnyreel #people instagram.com/reel/CtFuAhPsR…

I smoked weed last night and thought about how crazy it is to be the President of the United States?!? You're in complete control of "The Button" ... I couldn't... I press on my own bruises! I know I'd be tempted.

#NKOTB #90smusic #NewKidsOnTheBlock

I'm still waiting for a bar fight to break out while "Click Click Boom" plays in the background.

Dic Pic = Muscle Memory

If I had a nickel for every post I saw mentioning Matt Rife I'd have like $7.55 #WhyIsEveryoneHating

Can we all take a second to appreciate the genius who was eating almonds and thought, "You know what would be good with this? Chocolate."

The problem is everyone without kids wants to tell people with kids how to raise them, but don't wanna pay child support... If you got something to say about my parenting drop on my PG&E and I swear I'll hear you out.

If I had a dollar for everytime I stood in a doorway and said I was sorry for something... I'd have enough money to afford another divorce.

My toxic trait: Anytime I make a woman cum I immediately play, "We are the champions" by Queen.

You know how many times I've told my neighbors rooster to shut up!?! I'm starting to think it doesn't understand English... or Spanish!

A thick zombie = dead ass

Natural Bridges Trailhead

Check out Gabriel Alexander's 🍄 🍄 🍄 video! #TikTok tiktok.com/t/ZT8eLeF8e/

This Tuesday the fireworks in my neighborhood better be amazing! They've been practicing since fucking February.

I always have a blast Punch Line Sacramento #BBQ #Sex

Thank you MAMBA for finally putting all 4 flavors in every pack.