Every time you masturbate I’m watching, and maybe also masturbating.

Yah, that about sums it up

Melissa Tate Donald J. Trump

Post-tropical cyclone Dorian could hit Saskatchewan (much) harder than never anticipated.

Donald J. Trump When the President says things, that makes them true, because the President said it. Like The Bible, it’s true because The Bible says it is true. His truth becomes our truth, and together we live for that perfect day when we all live at Mar A Lago, in heaven with Him. Amen. 🇺🇸

Angela Belcamino Donald J. Trump A “perfect” bank loan .... right?

Donald J. Trump Oh #PresidentTwatWaffle I believe there is a bunch of questions the world is waiting for you to answer.

Wow

The Basketball Hall of Fame is bypassing the normal election process and making the late Kobe Bryant the first inductee of the 2020 class buff.ly/2GsRXYe

This one damn near broke me

.Stephen Colbert and jon batiste offer their condolences and discuss the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, Gianna Bryant, John Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Christina Mauser, Ara Zobayan, Sarah Chester and Payton Chester.

They did. Health care, voting rights, gun control, education, and so much more. The House passed ALL of them. ALL are sitting in the Senate. Don't blame the people who are both legislating AND holding Trump accountable. Blame the people who are doing NEITHER.

usb

I would like to announce that when I gave wrong answers on Jeopardy, I was being sarcastic.

Patton Oswalt x.com/JaredPushner/s…

Donald J. Trump When you're more worried about Americans voting than Americans dying, you maybe shouldn't be the American president anymore.

Kirstie Alley Donald J. Trump I am hiring my friend because he’s NOT an electrician! I hired him 4 years ago for this reason and he wired up the house quick! And now, 4 years later after it burned down (fake news said it was an electric fire) I am going to hire him again!