Struggling so badly with depression-no energy, no interest, no motivation and a real darkness in my world. It is a heaviness that is difficult to put into words, and a disconnection from the world around me that feels so isolating and lonely. Life can be really, really cruel.

Tolerating uncertainty is a large aspect of my OCD recovery. Few people talk about how unbearably difficult this actually is-it feels like life or death to not seek answers. And to sit with that day in, day out is a very, very painful and difficult experience.

My heart feels so heavy when I realise that despite the blood, sweat and tears that I have put into my OCD recovery, my behaviours may have changed for the better, but the actual thoughts inside my head have remained as dark, scary and messy as ever.💔💔

Had therapy today and what stood out most from today's session was that this journey called recovery is not meant to be straightforward, smooth and easy. In fact it is a long, rough, thorny and winding path with lots of potholes along the way.

At the core of my OCD recovery has been how uncomfortable am I willing to get. Because nothing in my recovery has come without incredible pain. Recovery is painful...but suffering from OCD for the rest of my life would be the biggest pain of all.

Struggling terribly with low mood and depression. But took CBT and used it today-decoupaged despite how I was feeling. Using my hands is an escape from my mind, and although I still don't feel great, that is never the aim. "Do it, despite how you feel."

This, this and this...👇💔 . Even on this journey of recovery Christmas feels every bit as overwhelming as it did when I was at my very lowest.

Following on from my post a few days ago I decided that I am not going to purchase a smart watch. Thank you to everyone who replied to me. In the end I decided it would be too much fuel for my OCD and thoughts around food/exercise. My decision was bolstered by reading this 👇:

I am back everyone. Sorry I have been away for a while-have had a few physical health conditions to deal with and unfortunately am currently dealing with an OCD relapse and really not very well at the minute due to my OCD.

Any top tips/reminders on fighting back from an OCD Relapse would be so much appreciated.