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I'm not saying I'm a superhero, but I can make my phone battery last all day.

I just realized that 'DIY' is 'I'm too cheap to pay someone else.'

My room's not messy; it's just an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.

I'm not saying I'm bad at multitasking, but I can't even walk and text at the same time.

I thought I was in shape until I tried to fold a fitted sheet.

If procrastination were an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

I'm not saying I'm a tech guru, but I can make my phone disappear for hours by accidentally dropping it between the couch cushions.

I''m not saying I''m a superhero, but I can make wine disappear. What''s your superpower?

I'd be more motivated to exercise if calories screamed while being burned.

My patience level is somewhere between 'toddler' and 'saint.'

I'm not saying I'm a procrastinator, but I once set my alarm for a 'five-minute nap' and woke up five hours later.

I'm not saying I'm a gourmet chef, but I can make instant noodles without burning down the house.

You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen.

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