had a nightmare I was an hour late to my first day of work and megan moroney dyed her hair brown

mark my words I will do a keg stand on the nitro cold brew keg in the middle of the office one day

yeah man lemme just vet you real quick so I can make sure your fit to take my load

just met my rocket HR lady for the first time in person and I think I pissed my pants

life sure is dandy!

I’ll tumble 4 ya

first company happy hour is today

“if I killed myself would you be sad” uhhh yeah no what’s your name??

borderline blacked out at first company happy hour… safe to say I’m the bosses favorite intern already

even my shit smells like IPA

Gf just bounced on it crazy style. En route to Olive Garden

just asked my boss if instead of buying my lunch every friday he could fund my tinder gold

“yeah boss just going to grab a coffee real quick”

getting a diabolical chaco tan

I have screenshots of Keyron Crawford cheating on his gf

sounds like a bunch of fucking baloney. can’t wait for week 1 when baylor shoves their shiny fucking gold helmets so far up our asses that we will be crying all the way from WACO FUCKING TEXAS to auburn. fuck this team and fuck you hugh.

god im so ready for another gut wrenching year of auburn football. I should’ve followed my ex wife to ole miss.

8am. still drunk from last night. blue pow in right hand and my next beer is in my left. college gameday is playing. all is right in the world.

I’ve never hate watched ole miss so hard

just dropped a bomb in HHH first floor bathroom