All I need in this life is me and my weird shaped dog

Shouldn’t have made fun of the kid, now we’re at the emergency vet 😁

I think I need to invest in a nice belt and also nice shoes in case I ever have to dress up

This bitch (very nice woman) said “you’re the one that likes IPA’s, not me” then proceeded to have me get her one

Fuck around and brown out

Put my midterm review for academy on the fridge bc yes I am 31 and this is my job, but also I’m jus a proud kid doing well in (work) school 🥹🎉

Being best friends w someone 10ish years then actually traveling together for the first time is so silly billy but also I totally get how we get long bc core values n shit

Just witnessed two virgos complimenting each other (I think) and one of the statements made was “you’re never not digestible to me” 🥹

call response overturns conviction, every time

Let’s check back in again

My dad wanted vegetables for dinner so my parents called me to ask where to eat. I haven’t lived in California for 2 years. It’s been over 2 years since my dad’s wanted to eat vegetables.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

This is actually me

Mine & ☽ • Sarah Jane • ☾ personal Halloween tradition (of her sending stupid chain mail & me telling her Happy Anniversary) lives to see another year 🫶🎃

I wish I knew someone in Colorado that liked to play pool as much as I do ☹️

Life’s all fun n games until you can’t differentiate you’re waking life from you’re dream life

Never thought I’d work somewhere with more queers & more people crying on their breaks than Lush, then I started working for 911 🤙

Does anyone on the Old Tomato ever talk about not wanting to get married bc the other person has shitty financial decision making? Or am I the only person who thinks about that??? I ain’t takin on no ones debt on a legal level baybeee