Okay then, who wants to get absolutely spanked in a friendly then?

MATCHDAY: We travel away to face Leam Hibbs Reserves.

Erm we lost

Back at the comyn this morning. Let’s see if we can get back to winning ways! AND ITS LIVEEE

Great result for the lads today. 5-0 win against the builders. I suspect it’s not going to be all giggles on site tomorrow. #upthethorpe

Stupidly good side we’ve got lined up tomorrow. Stinks of goals.

2-1 yesterday. The lads shown great resilience and fight after going 1-0 down to end up with a deserved win. Are we back on track?

We’re back 👀 Thumping 6-1 win against Chadwick End. Played at our own pace and turned it on with some aggressive play and clinical finishing. Shout out to our new signing, our Irish David Silva (Gerard McGahey) with a tidy hatty. watch out ladies, he’s hung like a Moose.

Here we are. The big one. End of season do/awards. Stay tuned as we announce our winners. P.s, one boy has one 3 awards… the cold Ashby Johnny sims.

Who’s ready for some awards then. Just the 4 days late. Some highlights: - P Shagger losing his keys in a male strippers arsehole. - S Bagsman Lockley not making sense from minute 1. - T Cold Ashby Pirlo Reeve pissing all in his sock drawer.

Board Members Player of the Year. Jimmy Lienau: what can we say about this silent assassin. More flips flaps than Quaresma whilst looking like a middle aged geography teacher. Most deserved.

Goal of the season. Tyler Reeve: volley from 45 yards out that rippled the net. We spoke to him and he added “I knew from the minute it left my foot it was in the onion bag. We dominated that game on a class surface, that suits a ball playing team like us.”

Partnership of the year. Lockley and Gez: Fierce partnership that we’re hoping to cement every week next season. Lockley also performs off the pitch whereas Gez is an absolute dosser who can’t turn up for socials. Flaigy stepped in to neck Gez’s pint, Kudos.

Managers Player of the year. Dex Robinson: wow what a player, turns up week in week out even when he’s been out 2 stepping. strong as an ox who’s cardio has got a lot better, thanks to his consistent bedroom cardio sessions.

Top Goalscorer. Tyler Reeve: you normally find this little leprechaun in CM selling dreams but he has found himself as top goalscorer. We spoke to him and he added: “I’d like a striker to be putting the ball in the net. That’s our aim, to get a striker in the club.”

Performance of the season. Tyler Reeve vs Chadwick End: majestic on the ball from minute one, drawing lines between defence and attack. Just the hat trick this game but could have had 5 if he wasn’t such a good sport. We’re gunna struggle to keep hold of this stud.

Most important players: Gez and Cooke: Cooke wholeheartedly deserves this, turns like a London bus but will sell you to Epstein with his chop inside. Gez has turned the dial up in games but is normally found ferrying underage girls around in his BMW. Shagger and Mr ACL pictured

Players player. Bob Scott: arguably the most important award. Rolls Royce in the middle of the park but with the lungs out of a care home. Most handsome man in Sunday league? yes. Will find him wearing stoney and a carling in hand playing poker stars.

Dick of the season. Sam Lockley: what a nightmare, says he’ll play but never turns up. He resembles an XL Bully/Sam Smith. we’re hoping he gets his act together next year.

Looking for some pre-season friendlies.. send us a DM if you fancy getting beat.